If I Could Get Away With It

After hours of preparation the plan is ready: the execution of operation Aesthetic Justice will begin at 0300 hours. First- place the stick of dynamite by the single arched ankle, next- light the fuse, third- run, and finally-BOOM! The first one will easily topple into the second and peace will be restored in Gotham.

I normally consider myself an art lover, but have recently devised possible ways to sabotage a recent installation by the city of Denver. I enjoy spending hours in art museums looking at Chinese jade vases, sculptures of Hindu gods, Native American bead work, old Dutch masters, Impressionists, Cubists, Abstract groundbreakers, and most of all modern art in all forms, but this artwork causes me to rant and rave every time I drive by it on Speer Boulevard. I am sure nearby drivers wonder what is wrong with me and what the hell did they do to cause such road rage, as I shake my fist at the two white monstrosities that overpower the Denver Center for the Performing Arts Complex.

The Dancers by Johnathan Borofsky was erected on the lawn of the Arts Complex in 2003. By far it is the worst public art installation Denver has erected in my 34 years of living in this wonderful city. Now I am no art expert, but I do appreciate a broad range and realize it is a different experience for each viewer. That being said, I must speak out against this hideous and costly blight on our cityscape. These two white giants distract from the modern architecture of the Complex and the beautiful new Convention Center, with its glass and steel structure that pay homage to the Rocky Mountains and its neighbor. The sculpture is out of place and resembles those inflatable balloons you see at the State Fair or swaying on the side of Ricky Martin’s stage as he shakes his “bon-bon.” I miss the old installation that was once there, although I was one of the few people that liked it. I never knew the name and called it the Witches’ Cauldron with its glass and metal body that would release steam when functioning, which it seemed to rarely be able to perform. Anything would be better then these two pale stick figures causing criminal thought to enter my mind.

On the other hand the new sculpture on the North side of the convention center is an incredible public piece that I could see becoming a mascot and marketing tool for the city. I See What You Mean or as it is better know “The Big Blue Bear” is a whimsical sculpture that draws people to it, an important function of “art for the people.” This oversized sculpture works with its surroundings, unlike The Dancers, as it peeks into the glass window of the Convention Center. It is a clear example of how size can help or hinder artistic space. I am happy my taxes helped pay for this big blue half a million dollar fiberglass sculpture while I would like to ask for a refund for the dancing freaks. “The Big Blue Bear” is downright adorable and as you walk by you can’t help but notice its bubbly butt bent toward 14th St., mooning the cars that drive by and you. I have seen numerous people taking pictures as they strategically pose their little ones near the large paws to illustrate its true grandeur. I have yet to see a single shot being taken over on Speer Blvd.

Next time you are downtown take a walk or drive by “The Big Bear” and enjoy this public gift of art and while you are at it swing by the other costly pale nightmare a block away and help me with the fight to find a way to remove these dancing eyesores, If I could get away with it.