The Toilet of Terror

The youth group of North Metro Church was spending the day at Water World. Present were Ethen, Nathen, Tarry, Amanda, Jade, Beth, Tim, Matt, Natalie, Crystal, Melissa, Rachel, Angela, Jess, Andrew, Alisha, Taylor McDonnell, another Taylor whose last name I don't know, the youth pastor Dave, and myself, and probably a few others I lack the brain capacity to remember.

For some reason that is also beyond my brain capacity to understand, about half the group chose to split into several other groups instead of staying with the rest of us. The remainder that stayed together included Dave, Tarry, Ethen, Nathen, Amanda, Jade, Jess, Andrew, Alisha, Melissa, and me. We stayed together for the majority of the excursion.

The first ride we went on was a slide selected by Ethen. I chose to follow Ethen because Ethen is sometimes like a chaos magnet, as his Dave; this way I was guaranteed to find some action, which I enjoy immensely. However, upon seeing his choice ride, I began to think that maybe I had bitten off more than I could chew. The slide was probably more than fifty feet high, and the water made speeds rivaling those of race cars a serious possibility. Especially on the one Ethen and the others chose to go on, which coincidentally enough was the steepest (hhhmm).

Ethen and several of the other guys went first, and threw themselves down it. Then it was my turn. I sat down on the slide, and then, with painstaking slowness, I inched myself forward it the edge. At this point I just happened to look down at the sheer drop below me. For that is exactly what it is; a free fall in which you plummet in a downwards direction, suspended in midair, separate from the slide, screaming in terror until you reach the bottom, reconnect with the slide, and glide to a stop.

At the time, however, I knew nothing about the gliding and stopping; the only part I had any knowledge of at the time was the falling. So, in an apparent act of defiance against the laws of physics, I pushed myself backwards away from the terrible fall, even though I probably should have been pulled over by the combined forces of gravity and the rushing water behind me. Then I stood up, shouting that I would not do it. For the next two or three minutes are had a heated argument with my friends, in which I decided to go down, then decided not about ten times. Finally I gave in. I sat back down and inched forward to the edge. The lifeguard then told me to keep my arms at my side and my legs together, straight out. I took one more fearful look over the side, and pushed forward.

It took a millionth of a second for me to forget what the lifeguard had said. I was flailing around like a chicken with its head cut off. Three seconds later I remembered and regained board-like straightness.

Its one of those things that was terrifying at the time, embarrassing immediately afterwards, and hilarious five minutes later. I think I need say no more.

The next ride we went on is one I call The Toilet of Terror!!! It involves waiting in line for a quarter of an hour, getting dumped on by a giant bucket of water once or twice, shooting yourself down a long tube, swirling around in a huge bowl in a manner that resembles nothing so much as being inside a super sized toilet.

I was one of the last to go. By the time it was my turn, I had good reason to be worried. Dave went first. After him went Ethen. The lifeguard asked him if he could swim. Ethen replied, "I guess we're about to find out, aren't we?" He then shot himself down the tube. His departure was soon followed by the sounds THUD! "OW!" The same thing happened to Nathen. A few people later and I'm up, thoroughly convinced that I was about to share the same fate as my friends. Since I was also convinced that their fate had been to have an awesome time going through the Toilet, I went for it.

Predictably, I was yelling AAAHHHHHGGGG as I went through the tube. Then I reached the toilet belly. It was incredible. I couldn't contain my glee, and released it by shouting. "YEAH!" I cried. "THIS IS AWESOME!" Immediately afterwards I tumbled, backwards, out of a hole at the bottom into a pool of water, to be greeted by cheers and splashed of water from my friends. It was an awesome experience, rivaled only by the rest of that day. I loved it!