Deal Breaker

 

The deal breaker for any relationship seems to be when a boyfriend tries to teach his girlfriend a sport. I have seen countless relationships break apart and go down in flames on a snowboard, in a ski run, ina freezing cold river stuck in a kayak, or on hanging onto the face of the Flatirons. They all seem to go something like this:

 

“Honey, I can’t do this!” cries out a frightened girlfriend trying to do ____________ (add in activity).

“Sweetheart that is because you are NOT trying hard enough!” an exasperated boyfriend says through clenched teeth, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

“I am too trying! You just are NOT explaining how to do it!” she retaliates, beginning to choke up on tears.

“Sweetie, you need to listen to me, stop being so afraid and place/turn/push your _________ (body part) like this!”

“I am stuck! I can’t do it! I just want to go home!”

“You need to listen to me! It’s easy; I don’t understand why you can’t do this!”

“You don’t remember what it’s like to be a beginner at ____________ (activity)! And how scary it was the first time you did ____________ (activity),”she replies.

“Babe, you just need to relax and do it!” he commands.

“I WANT TO GO HOME!” she finally screams as she throws her equipment at him and leaves,stomping uphill, over a river bank or down a trail.

“GOD! You’re just not giving it a chance! Quit being a baby about it and put your _________ here!” he loses the battle to contain his anger at her lack of trying.

“I HATE YOU!!!” a sobbing girlfriend screams through her tears.

“IF YOU WOULD JUST DO WHAT I AM DOING YOU WOULD GET IT!!!” a frustrated boyfriend screams back at her tears. 

The ensuing icy car ride home is filled with a very uncomfortable air between the two, neither one wanting to admit that they overreacted. Neither one wants to be the first to apologize to the other, and unfortunately, they usually begin to gather their stuff from each others houses. Thus ending a once healthy relationship that others envied from the outside. 

            Before another relationship ends in horrible demise on a mountain, ski hill or river, I have some advice for those rugged men wanting to teach their girlfriends an outdoor activity. DON’T DO IT!!!! Speaking from the point of view of a girlfriend who once tried to learn to kayak from her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, I am not kidding do NOT try to teach your main squeeze a sport. 

            Don’t get me wrong, wanting to do an outdoor activity with the love-of-your-life-at-the-moment is a great way to build a relationship, spend time together and learn about the other person in different settings. It seems that all my boyfriends have wanted to teach me something they have the passion for in the outdoors. I have learned how to rock climb, mountaineer, and snowboard quite successfully in different relationships with partners who valued the skill. I have also had a few relationships explode into the erratic flight paths of equipment and embarrassment on both of our parts.

            Each of these outdoor endeavors has began with my interest piqued in the thought of learning a cool new skill, and being able to spend time with the love of my life (at the time, of course). Once I vocalized that I wanted to learn the new skill I would usually receive some gear for a birthday or Christmas present and it is here where the deal is sealed or broken. Along with the equipment I would either get a promise to be taught this new skill by my loving boyfriend OR my loving boyfriend would give me what I really wanted… a lesson from a certified instructor for a few lessons in the activity. You can only guess which of the relationships lasted and which ones where brought down like a ten-ton ball of solid fiery metal.

            To prove my point, here are the two scenarios I had while trying to learn to kayak:

 

 

            So for the security of future generations, men, please do not teach your girlfriends an outdoor activity. I would suggest showing them how much fun you have with the activity and make suggestions about how much fun it would be to do the activity with them. If they are interested, run out and find a great instructor who will teach your girlfriend how to do the activity.

 

--Jill Scheibel